I'll begin at the beginning...
I found out I was pregnant on October 9th 2010. This was just a couple days after receiving a negative pregnancy test at the doctor's office. We decided to take another test a few days after since at this point I was about 4 days late with no signs of my period. Unusual for me. The test took only a moment to show me two lines. I sat there trying to make sense of what I was seeing. As the realization washed over me I felt an intense sensation from my head to my toes. When I told John we were both in disbelief, even though we had been trying. It all seemed very surreal. I distinctly remember shaky knees.
I knew right away that I wanted Heather to be my midwife. I knew of her from local coop events and that we shared many of the same values. I had an appointment with the First Step Center to confirm my pregnancy for Medicaid and to get my first prenatal. Long story short: I waited an hour in the waiting room and then 45 minutes in the exam room before I called a nurse. I heard her say "You were supposed to see *this* patient first!" The doctor rushed in, never even apologized, asked me a bunch of questions that I had already answered for the nurse and left. My visit later that day with Heather was much more leisurely.
She came to my house and we sat and talked about my expectations and the usual family history. We talked for an hour or more getting to know each other.
My pregnancy was easy and enjoyable. I grew slowly at first, getting huge in the last couple weeks. I had been obsessed with preparing for the birth. Techniques for pain management, exercises and stretches. As my due date approached I left most of that behind and began to trust that my body would do the work for me. I walked and did squats daily, as I wanted to be strong for the birth.
My due date came and went, as I had expected. Only in these last few days did I feel uncomfortable, but mostly I just wanted to meet my little guy. Every day I woke up and thought: “today could be the day”.
I went to bed one night after having my usual evening contractions. I went to the bathroom around 1:30 and found blood when I wiped. For a second I got scared, but then I realized this was a good sign. I didn’t want to get too excited… I told a groggy John that I was bleeding and things could be happening in the next few days. We both went back to sleep. Contractions woke me on and off, until finally around 3:30 I couldn’t sleep anymore. I got up and did some dishes and puttered around the house, thinking I had a long time before things got intense. Around 4:30 I began timing contractions and they were slightly variable, but generally 6-7 minutes apart. Over the next hour my contractions intensified quite a bit. I told John I needed him to get up. I was unsure about whether or not to call Heather. Even though I knew I was in labor, I think I was a little bit in denial. We agreed that we should call her at 6:30, but after a couple more contractions I decided we should get her on the horn. It was about 5:30.
At this point I was still kneeling over the couch, basically smooshing my face into the cushions and handling contractions. I think I had taken several showers to break things up and get some relief. With all the preparation I had done, I felt this had all come upon me so fast and that I couldn’t get it together. I wasn’t panicking or anything like that, but I couldn’t use any practical techniques…all I could do was breathe and get from one minute to the next-which I guess is a technique in a way.
When Heather arrived I was still at the couch. I had begun to feel nauseous and bit flu like, but generally alright. About an hour later Heather checked my dilation and I was 8 or 9 cm's with a very soft cervix. I was ready for the pool! John got it all ready to go and I hopped in. It was a little more relaxing in there. I was feeling very tired and John said I was falling asleep between contractions. I couldn’t seem to find a position that allowed me to rest. Heather suggested I walk, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be all hardcore, but I just didn’t feel up to it. She suggested I squat instead- with all the practice I’d had, I thought I could handle that. I squatted in the pool, and my body immediately began to involuntarily bear down. I felt that I had no control over it, or the sounds I was making. I probably sounded like I was in a lot more pain than I actually was. I was facing John who was basically holding me up. My face was smashed into the side of the pool.
I know this went on for some time, but I had no real concept of time throughout. I remember asking Heather if my water broke and she said “I don’t know did it?” haha. She asked if he was moving down at all, but I couldn’t tell. So she checked and said that he definitely was. That made me feel good, because it was so hard for me to tell if I was making progress.
Heather pointed out the vernix floating in the water and said it was “kind of cute” haha. For the first time in a while I looked around and the water was super murky with blood and vernix. At some point my water broke- it felt like a balloon popping. Heather said “It’s nice and clear” That was a relief.
The water had been filled and refilled with water several times by now- and the pool was even starting to deflate a little. I knew I was going to have to get out at some point, but the prospect was not inviting. Heather suggested that I get out and lay on the couch while she pushed my legs back and tried to direct my energy. We tried a few times with some success. She showed me my baby’s fuzzy little head with a mirror. He was getting down there! We did this on the couch for a while, but couldn’t get the leverage we needed. We moved to the bed and both Heather and John held my legs back while I pushed. Heather massaged my perineum trying to move it around his head and directed my pushes. Avery’s head was descending at a little bit of a skewed angle. This was part of the reason it was difficult to get his head out. I had been trying to take control of my pushing by beginning to push before the contraction began to get intense. This resulted in my losing steam too early before the contraction ended. If I didn’t do this though, I had no control over it. Avery would move down and get sucked back several times. It happened for what seemed like eternity. I was feeling very tired, and pushing with every ounce of energy within me. Pain wasn’t even a part of the equation at this point. Heather and John were really helpful in encouraging me. I began to expect it during every push. If they didn’t tell me what a good job I was doing I was like “Oh no, what am I doing wrong?” haha.
Finally it happened: his head came out. Heather said “You have one chance to push him out, but then you have to get on your hands and knees.”
Being an avid reader of Ina May Gaskin, I knew that hands and knees = shoulder dystocia which can cause issue if the baby’s head is out for too long before the body. I gave a half-hearted push cause that’s all that I had left, and then flipped over with gusto that surprised even me. The next minute was extremely intense as Heather struggled to get a hold on Avery and pull him out. I cursed and screamed a lot. Then suddenly he was out. It was like I had been snapped out of a trance. No pain, all energy. I turned around and said “Holy Shit” as I looked down upon this blue/grey, cone-headed, puffy eyed little human laying on the bed. John still remarks about how sudden my change in disposition was. Thank you oxytocin! Heather suctioned and rubbed him and he got started with little cries. She handed his warm wet body to me. I can still remember how that felt.
My placenta was out within minutes. Avery latched on within minutes also.
Avery’s birth was nothing like I expected, but then again I’m not really sure what I expected in the first place. It was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done; and I feel lucky to have felt every single sensation that came with this birth. Despite his being 9 lbs and having shoulder dystocia I did not tear. I cannot imagine what the course of events may have been if we were at the hospital. Episiotomy? Vacuum? C-section?!? I wouldn’t doubt any of those things. There were times when I wondered if it would come to that, but I sincerely trusted Heather with my life and the life of my baby. I knew that everything would be alright. I am so glad that we were able to develop that relationship throughout my pregnancy and birth so that I could bring Avery into this world the way I did. As I finish this my Avery is 6 weeks today. A happy, healthy, strong little boy. Thank you Heather and John for sharing this incredible experience.
Note from Heather: Elena told me to add anything I remember, and I told her the most memorable aspect of this birth for me was the "mommy resuscitation". Avery was not stabilizing as well as I would have liked, and his mom, being on hands and knees, was not holding him on her chest as I gently stimulated him (rubbing back, gentle suctioning) to get him going. As soon as he got to be on his mama's chest, his breathing regulated, his color improved, and basically, I stopped worrying. In retrospect, I realized that in most hospital situations, he would have been taken further away from mom, with his cord prematurely clamped, to deal with his little struggle to get "started", and would not have improved so easily and with so little intervention.
I found out I was pregnant on October 9th 2010. This was just a couple days after receiving a negative pregnancy test at the doctor's office. We decided to take another test a few days after since at this point I was about 4 days late with no signs of my period. Unusual for me. The test took only a moment to show me two lines. I sat there trying to make sense of what I was seeing. As the realization washed over me I felt an intense sensation from my head to my toes. When I told John we were both in disbelief, even though we had been trying. It all seemed very surreal. I distinctly remember shaky knees.
I knew right away that I wanted Heather to be my midwife. I knew of her from local coop events and that we shared many of the same values. I had an appointment with the First Step Center to confirm my pregnancy for Medicaid and to get my first prenatal. Long story short: I waited an hour in the waiting room and then 45 minutes in the exam room before I called a nurse. I heard her say "You were supposed to see *this* patient first!" The doctor rushed in, never even apologized, asked me a bunch of questions that I had already answered for the nurse and left. My visit later that day with Heather was much more leisurely.
She came to my house and we sat and talked about my expectations and the usual family history. We talked for an hour or more getting to know each other.
My pregnancy was easy and enjoyable. I grew slowly at first, getting huge in the last couple weeks. I had been obsessed with preparing for the birth. Techniques for pain management, exercises and stretches. As my due date approached I left most of that behind and began to trust that my body would do the work for me. I walked and did squats daily, as I wanted to be strong for the birth.
My due date came and went, as I had expected. Only in these last few days did I feel uncomfortable, but mostly I just wanted to meet my little guy. Every day I woke up and thought: “today could be the day”.
I went to bed one night after having my usual evening contractions. I went to the bathroom around 1:30 and found blood when I wiped. For a second I got scared, but then I realized this was a good sign. I didn’t want to get too excited… I told a groggy John that I was bleeding and things could be happening in the next few days. We both went back to sleep. Contractions woke me on and off, until finally around 3:30 I couldn’t sleep anymore. I got up and did some dishes and puttered around the house, thinking I had a long time before things got intense. Around 4:30 I began timing contractions and they were slightly variable, but generally 6-7 minutes apart. Over the next hour my contractions intensified quite a bit. I told John I needed him to get up. I was unsure about whether or not to call Heather. Even though I knew I was in labor, I think I was a little bit in denial. We agreed that we should call her at 6:30, but after a couple more contractions I decided we should get her on the horn. It was about 5:30.
At this point I was still kneeling over the couch, basically smooshing my face into the cushions and handling contractions. I think I had taken several showers to break things up and get some relief. With all the preparation I had done, I felt this had all come upon me so fast and that I couldn’t get it together. I wasn’t panicking or anything like that, but I couldn’t use any practical techniques…all I could do was breathe and get from one minute to the next-which I guess is a technique in a way.
When Heather arrived I was still at the couch. I had begun to feel nauseous and bit flu like, but generally alright. About an hour later Heather checked my dilation and I was 8 or 9 cm's with a very soft cervix. I was ready for the pool! John got it all ready to go and I hopped in. It was a little more relaxing in there. I was feeling very tired and John said I was falling asleep between contractions. I couldn’t seem to find a position that allowed me to rest. Heather suggested I walk, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be all hardcore, but I just didn’t feel up to it. She suggested I squat instead- with all the practice I’d had, I thought I could handle that. I squatted in the pool, and my body immediately began to involuntarily bear down. I felt that I had no control over it, or the sounds I was making. I probably sounded like I was in a lot more pain than I actually was. I was facing John who was basically holding me up. My face was smashed into the side of the pool.
I know this went on for some time, but I had no real concept of time throughout. I remember asking Heather if my water broke and she said “I don’t know did it?” haha. She asked if he was moving down at all, but I couldn’t tell. So she checked and said that he definitely was. That made me feel good, because it was so hard for me to tell if I was making progress.
Heather pointed out the vernix floating in the water and said it was “kind of cute” haha. For the first time in a while I looked around and the water was super murky with blood and vernix. At some point my water broke- it felt like a balloon popping. Heather said “It’s nice and clear” That was a relief.
The water had been filled and refilled with water several times by now- and the pool was even starting to deflate a little. I knew I was going to have to get out at some point, but the prospect was not inviting. Heather suggested that I get out and lay on the couch while she pushed my legs back and tried to direct my energy. We tried a few times with some success. She showed me my baby’s fuzzy little head with a mirror. He was getting down there! We did this on the couch for a while, but couldn’t get the leverage we needed. We moved to the bed and both Heather and John held my legs back while I pushed. Heather massaged my perineum trying to move it around his head and directed my pushes. Avery’s head was descending at a little bit of a skewed angle. This was part of the reason it was difficult to get his head out. I had been trying to take control of my pushing by beginning to push before the contraction began to get intense. This resulted in my losing steam too early before the contraction ended. If I didn’t do this though, I had no control over it. Avery would move down and get sucked back several times. It happened for what seemed like eternity. I was feeling very tired, and pushing with every ounce of energy within me. Pain wasn’t even a part of the equation at this point. Heather and John were really helpful in encouraging me. I began to expect it during every push. If they didn’t tell me what a good job I was doing I was like “Oh no, what am I doing wrong?” haha.
Finally it happened: his head came out. Heather said “You have one chance to push him out, but then you have to get on your hands and knees.”
Being an avid reader of Ina May Gaskin, I knew that hands and knees = shoulder dystocia which can cause issue if the baby’s head is out for too long before the body. I gave a half-hearted push cause that’s all that I had left, and then flipped over with gusto that surprised even me. The next minute was extremely intense as Heather struggled to get a hold on Avery and pull him out. I cursed and screamed a lot. Then suddenly he was out. It was like I had been snapped out of a trance. No pain, all energy. I turned around and said “Holy Shit” as I looked down upon this blue/grey, cone-headed, puffy eyed little human laying on the bed. John still remarks about how sudden my change in disposition was. Thank you oxytocin! Heather suctioned and rubbed him and he got started with little cries. She handed his warm wet body to me. I can still remember how that felt.
My placenta was out within minutes. Avery latched on within minutes also.
Avery’s birth was nothing like I expected, but then again I’m not really sure what I expected in the first place. It was the most physically challenging thing I have ever done; and I feel lucky to have felt every single sensation that came with this birth. Despite his being 9 lbs and having shoulder dystocia I did not tear. I cannot imagine what the course of events may have been if we were at the hospital. Episiotomy? Vacuum? C-section?!? I wouldn’t doubt any of those things. There were times when I wondered if it would come to that, but I sincerely trusted Heather with my life and the life of my baby. I knew that everything would be alright. I am so glad that we were able to develop that relationship throughout my pregnancy and birth so that I could bring Avery into this world the way I did. As I finish this my Avery is 6 weeks today. A happy, healthy, strong little boy. Thank you Heather and John for sharing this incredible experience.
Note from Heather: Elena told me to add anything I remember, and I told her the most memorable aspect of this birth for me was the "mommy resuscitation". Avery was not stabilizing as well as I would have liked, and his mom, being on hands and knees, was not holding him on her chest as I gently stimulated him (rubbing back, gentle suctioning) to get him going. As soon as he got to be on his mama's chest, his breathing regulated, his color improved, and basically, I stopped worrying. In retrospect, I realized that in most hospital situations, he would have been taken further away from mom, with his cord prematurely clamped, to deal with his little struggle to get "started", and would not have improved so easily and with so little intervention.
